For the past year or so my writing life has been in limbo. For what
reason? Many, actually, but I think
it's because I've been in a battle with myself over life. See, my family did something this last year that I'm not proud of. We recently
moved from the south and I'm not happy about it. At all. I miss it terribly. Now if you've never
been south of the Mason-Dixon line, you might not totally understand
what I'm saying, but for those who have, well, keep reading.
We
moved to a small, university town in 2005 and I spent the first six
months convinced that I'd moved to another country. Literally. I had to
actually apologize to a few people and tell them that I could not
understand a word they were saying. I wanted to smack people who spoke
like they were on slow motion. Everything down there was different, not
just the accents- food, speed of the people, wildlife everywhere. I grew
up in a large city where parks and woods were planned by the city. Not
so in the south. Wooded lots were everywhere, which meant so was the
wildlife. Coming from Central IL, where the only wildlife I ever saw
regularly were rabbits, MS was like living in the woods. Seeing dear
dance-run across streets, their little white tails bobbing around, never
got old, btw. And the bats at twilight--simply magical.
But
the best thing about the south are the people!! Not since high school
had I found a wonderful group of amazing people who were just as happy
to let me into their lives as I was to let them. It took a little while,
but eventually I found myself a core group of fantastic people in the
homeschool arena as well as in writing and even some wonderful people I
am proud to call neighbors! (We'd never had that before either.) For a
long time I felt beyond blessed by the wonderful people in my life.
Then
we got word that we were going to be moving and my life just kind of
cracked like stepping on a sheet of ice (we're back in the north where's
it ridiculously cold!). Now, we've moved with hubby's job enough to
know that the saying "out of sight, out of mind" really is true. Not on
purpose. Not with any malicious intent on anyone's part (I hope anyway),
but lives keep moving forward and soon those closest to you will find
someone else to fill your place and visiting just isn't the same as
being there with those you love everyday to share everything. Now don't
get me wrong, visiting is better than resorting to facebook posts and
once a year Christmas cards!
And since this is our
third trip into Central IL, I know what to expect, which is normal
'northern'-tude (and CA actually). Don't talk to strangers-or even look
them in the eye to smile. Wave to your neighbors but don't expect to be
let in. Smile and say hi to people you go to church with on Sunday
mornings but that's about all you're going to get.
What
does this have to do with my writing? Well, I've let myself be led by
my sadness, but that's not healthy or right. It's time to work on
putting a bit more cracks into my line of vision to break out of this
funk-cocoon of mine. Writing is something I enjoy doing. It lets me have
something that is truly mine-and those of you who are stay at home
mom's know that nothing is truly just ours, not that I'm complaining,
just stating a fact. Will I ever get published? I don't know. Will it
become my obsession? Probably not. But I like to write and learn about myself and the art of
writing so I'll continue my journey to self discovery by doing something
that bares my soul to the world. Strange thing to do for 'fun', I know,
but hey, no one ever said I'm not strange. Just ask my kids-and the
friends I left down south! ;)
My journey back to
happiness begins and ends with me. Period. So I'll keep plugging away at
myself and remind myself that life is all about choices. Make one you
don't like? Then go back and make another one that you do, because life
is too short and once the day is done, it's done. So today do something
you like to do.
Be passionate about something!
~Michelle
